The World On Your Shoulders

I am so very frustrated.

I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to be positive, and upbeat.

It's not working very well.

You know that scene in a movie - where someone is standing on the edge of something very tall? Like a building, or a bridge, or a cliff. Then they close their eyes, spread their arms wide, and just sort of.....fall backward, into nothingness. All peaceful like, with a sad, strange smile on their face.

No? Well, I'm sure it's in some movie somewhere, and if it's not - it ought to be.

I feel like that person. Like I'm on the edge of nothing. I am nothing. I feel nothing. I accomplish nothing. And nothing is waiting for me at the bottom of the black hole.

I could try and list everything, but it may depress you. It involves money, lack of willpower, money, lack of motivation and...money. Yeah. I think we've all been there.

I need a plan. I'm just...lost. There's hundreds of little things swirling around in my brain but I just can't get a grip on any of them. Elusive little things - ideas. Where do I start? What do I do? Eat healthy - with a $200 a month grocery budget? Join a gym? When I can't even pay my rent? I feel weighted down with worries and cares, and I would like it to stop now.

Please, make it stop.


PS - I kid you not. As I finished typing this - my mom called. My sister is in the ER and I have to watch her 3 (small) children at 6am. And I watch my 1 year old niece today. And I have to homeschool my son, deal with my landlord, catch up on all the laundry that was in my flooded basement - and God knows what else. The hits just keep on comin'.

Tweet

Friend Making Mondays

All The Weigh hosts Friend Making Mondays. I need friends. I blogged avidly for the longest time, then quit for a while. Seems that, if you quit - people stop reading. Who knew? Anyway, here's my (last minute) attempt at making friends. On Monday. Friend Making Monday...see?

1. What are your talents? I sing. Well. I do, it's a fact and one I'm rather proud of. when I sing I am beautiful and free of this fat sack that is my body. I also write - as you can see. I like to think I'm pretty good. (Please - don't burst my bubble.....)

2. What is your best habit? I honestly cannot think of one good habit. Not one. How sad.

3. If you had to be stuck with someone in an elevator for 8 hours, who would you want it to be? Gerard Butler. 8 hours with a blue eyed, Scottish accent speaking hunk of manhood that sings and once played the Phantom of the Opera? Be still, my heart. Where's the nearest elevator....? (Sorry dear Husband, but you know how it is...)

Yum.

4. Share one odd fact about you that we’d never know to ask. Has anyone ever thought that maybe there's a reason no one thinks to ask...? I am obsessed with the symetrical. I have to line everything up symetrically, knick-knacks, food, fridge. It's wierd and drives my family insane.

5. What’s your latest project (work, home, whatever you care to share?) My basement flooded this past week - so...laundry. All 25 loads of it. What, you think I'm kidding??

6. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. My fat. I'd have it removed in an instant. Other that my big fat butt, I love the way I look.

7. What do you do in your spare time? Besides this - I play World of Warcraft. Seriously.

My lvl 85 mage, Cyr - from Aggramar. Told ya.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve? Not pronouncing words correctly, and pEoPle ThAt tYpe lIke tHis.

9. Why do you blog? I like this question. the more I blog, the more conscious I am about what I eat. Blogging keeps food in the forefront of my brain. In a good way.

10. Are you tidy or messy? There's tidy person inside of me, I swear. She just likes to sleep a lot.

11. What’s the last song that played on your iPod? Sweet dreams, from the Sucker Punch soundtrack.

12. Do you cook? When I must. I'm good at it - I'm just to lazy to do it often.

13. Do you like sports? I like dance. And yes it is a sport. Try it and find out.

14. How often do you read and/or watch the news? I check my Yahoo news daily. And my entertainment news. Ok, ok, so mostly my entertainment news. To see if they're saying anything about my Gerard Butler.

15. Did you stick to your new Year’s resolution this year? What New Years resolution? I can't remember mine. Probably had something to do with my weight...so, no. I didn't.

16. What are you looking forward to most in the remainder of 2011? YES. I love my holiday season, I'm so ready for some freaking Christmas cheer.

17. Shoes, sunglasses or handbags? C'mon....thos are the only things that will always fit, no matter how fat you are!

18. How do you feel about sleeping on satin sheets? Never have. Getting some mighty interesting thoughts I'll have to share with my husband. Or Gerard Butler.

19. Do you sing in the shower? Funnily enough - no. I sing everywhere else though!

20. Describe yourself in one word. Vibrant. I asked this question of a boy I had a crush on in 10th grade. This was the answer, and I've always loved - and lived - it.

Tweet

Chocolate And Me

All I want is chocolate. It's all I can think about. I'm like.....a chocolate zombie. Instead of "braaaiiinns..." I'm moaning "Chocolaaatttte..."

It's sad.

Even my cupboard contents are out to mock me. Every time I open the doors I see this:

And this:

And finally, this:

It's horrible for me. It makes me think about candy bars. 

Despite the temptation though, I have not had one morsel of yummy, delicious, irresistable...

Oh, what was I saying? that's right, no chocolate. I've been a good girl. I almost broke last night - but I remained strong, and had a fruit grain bar thingy instead. 

Told ya I could do this.

Tweet

My Bro and Me

I'm sitting here in the wee early hours of the morning, going through my usual banter with my brother.

Brother: This sucks.

Me: You suck.

Brother: I'd rather be poked in the eye with a stick.

Me: You are a poke in the eye with a stick.

Brother: You suck.

Me:  Look who's talking, loser.

Brother: I'm going to bed.

Me: It's about time. Leave me alone.

Of course you have to understand that all this is punctuated with laughter, including snorting because it's stoopid early. We love each other, really. Promise. We are two totally sarcastic idiots, and we spend most of our days trying to outwit one another. I think I won this morning.

Just a slice of life, courtesy of Me. Capital M.

Tweet

Petco Lets Animals Die In Flood

I live in NY, near Binghamton. If you haven't heard by now - our area was flooded this past week. We had a lot of rain from tropical storm Lee - which caused historical flooding throughout Broome County.

There is a Petco in Johnson City, NY. It's in a plaza that houses a few stores - Toys R' Us, Party City, Christmas Tree Shops - to name a few. This plaza has been flooded a few times, most memorably in the Flood of 2006. Keep that in mind as you read what I have to say.

We had had heavy rains that started the night of the 6th. By noon on the 7th of September, the schools were being dismissed and many areas of Broome County were bring evacuated. Highways were being shut down, some were losing power, and almost every store in the area was closing. Including Petco.

The one difference here is that Petco shut their doors - and left the animals inside to drown. We have several pet stores around here, but Petco obviously takes the cake. Pet Depot was flooded too - and were out rescuing the animals, kayaking them out of the store if necessary.

Pet Depot rescue, Vestal NY

Petco's response includes so much spin - it's making me dizzy.

They claim that:
"The flooding was not from the Susquehanna River itself but from a back up in the town’s sewage/drainage system."

Petco is between the blue sign and the red brick

Does it look like that to you? We had record flooding in areas that had never seen water. The places that usually flood saw much more water than normal. Anyone with half a brain could have figured out that Petco would flood. Businesses are required to have insurance, right? Then the insurance people would have surely told the company that the area was prone to flooding. And to place the burden of responsibility on the Johnson City? Shameful.

In the second paragraph of the blog entry, Petco says:
 "We want to stress that this was not carelessness on our associates’ behalf, but a communications lapse from the city to the store in evacuations orders."

Yet in the next paragraph they say:
 "We have a hotline for associates to use if they ever feel an animal is in danger and no calls were made to the hotline suggesting that the associates feared flooding would impact the store and endanger the animals."

So...were the employees careless, or weren't they? Is it their fault they didn't call, or Petco's fault for not making the decision themselves? Surely someone from Petco was aware of the flooding.

The thing that makes me the most angry is this gem:
 "An associate went by to check the store at 11:45 p.m. on Wednesday night and there were no signs of flooding or a flood warning in effect."

Are you kidding me? We had flood warnings in effect from the night before. The night before, people. By 11pm Wednesday night, the place had to have been flooded - so how could an employee check on it? And there were most certainly flood warnings in effect by 11pm.

I myself live in an area that never floods, yet I had 6 inches of water in my basement. So a flood-prone area.....you do the math.

Road at the bottom of my street

Shame on Petco for being so careless and irresponsible. Shame on them for not just issuing a simple apology. A nice heartfelt "I'm sorry" would have worked wonders. So now there is a Boycott Petco page on facebook. I believe there's a demonstration/protest coming up, and I'll be there. The local news is all over this, and I'm hoping national news will pick it up.

Articles can be found at WBNG, and Press and Sun Bulletin.

Hey, Petco...did you get the cash out?

Tweet

Smoke And Mirrors

In case you haven't noticed, I hath completed my bloggy makeover. You like?

Anyhoo - I was browsing my Yahoo news stories and came across a most excellent article. It's about a lady who has sworn off mirrors for a year. Yes, you heard me right. No mirrors for one year.

Let me link her and her blog real quick like. The blog is called Mirror, Mirror....OFF The Wall, and her name is Kjerstin Gruys. Here is the Yahoo article I read.

Now before you double you tee eff me about all this, hear me out.

I love to go out with my friends. I love to go on dates with my husband. I spend lots of time getting ready - makeup, hair, the works. I have just lost about 15 pounds total now, so I have found a whole new wardrobe lurking in the recesses of my basement. I have fun going out now - it's not torture anymore. So to sum up - I have fun going out. I get ready, and I am totally in love with myself. I dance, joke, smile - I live. I live.

Then I look in a mirror. And somehow, always - always! - the image I saw in my head does not match up with what I see.

How I feel vs. what I see

And it's all because I spent too much time reading beauty magazines as a child. Well, not only because - but you get it. The world does not think I am as beautiful as I think I am.


And to that I say - screw you world. I am beautiful. I am gorgeous. My husband adores me, my family loves me - and I need to learn how to do the same. Not because I want to stay overweight and unhealthy - but because I am tired of people I don't know telling me what to think about myself. I'm over it.

airbrushed - nobody looks like that!

So, I am seriously considering not using mirrors for a while. I need to reset how my brain works about myself. I am very curious to see what it does for me.I have a feeling I will learn to love myself - like I always should have.

Tweet

Hey, Verizon...Can You Hear Me Now?

It's official. I hate Verizon. Or maybe loathe is a better word. Detest? Hm.

Let me tell you a story.

About two weeks ago my Internet went out. It went out around 11 PM, right after a particularly loud and large thunderstorm. Kind of a normal thing to happen, right?

For me, not so much.

I call. I get told there's no problem with my Internet. I argue, I yell, I hang up, I call again, I yell some more, I get told there's no outage in my area, I yell a lot, I hang up again, I go to sleep, I wake up 2 hours later to put my son on the bus, and I call one more time. I finally get someone helpful and she tells me she'll call me back within the next 2 hours to let me know what's going on. She calls me back and guess what? I have an outage in my area. (Duh.) Wait, it gets better. The place that Verizon needs to go to fix this outage is contaminated by a chemical spill so the EPA has to come clean it up, and in about - oh say... 8 hours my Internet will be back up. I'm not even joking.

That was only the first bit of the story. (and yes, my Internet came back up) There's more, read on....................

So, about 5 days ago my Internet goes down. Again. And I was in the middle of playing World of Warcraft. Exactly. So...much to my (NOT) surprise - I call ye olde technical assistance department to see what the heck is going on and ask if there's a outage in my area.

First call: I get transferred to a department that is no longer in service.

Second call: After about 10 minutes on hold I finally get to speak to a human being. Well, i get to talk at a human being, I'm not so sure that he understands me all that well. Heck, I don't understand him all that well because I'm not well versed in that language of East Indian Accent. We go through all the usual measures - restart modem, reset modem, unplug cable, plug in cable, blah, blah, blah. Bear in mind I had to ask this guy to repeat everything at least twice.

Let me take a moment to point out that I'm not being racist. If you disagree, i don't really care. The fact is, if you can't speak understandable English, do not, I repeat - do not, get a job as a technical assistance representative. Don't. Go work in Billing and Collections, because nobody actually needs to understand you when you're asking them to give you money.

It got so bad, I hung up. I just....hung up on the guy. I couldn't take it anymore.

Call Three: I call back again, to be told by an automated voice that I could be better assisted by such and such a department. I get automatically transferred to a department that's closed. You heard me - closed.

Call Four: See Above.

Call Five: Please refer to Call Three, rinse and repeat for the next 4 calls.

Yeah, I'm just that stubborn.


Call Nine: I finally get through to an actual person that speaks passable English.

For a few blissfully ignorant moments I feel that my questions will be answered and I will resume the video game playing as soon as possible.

Then my little bubble is burst by only a few words. I'll relay my conversation here for you:

Verizon Guy : "I don't see any problem with your Internet connection, ma'am."

 Me: " if there's no problem with the Internet then howcome I can't access the..uh...Internet."

VG: "Did you reset your modem?"

Me: "Yup. And before you ask, I restarted it too. I also unplugged my cable, waited 30 seconds and plugged it back in. I've tried everything."

VG: "Did you unplug your cable?"

Me: "............yes."

VG: "Ok, we're going to go to the start menu, and find the search bar and type in C....M....D."

Me:"yeah, I already did that too."

VG: "Excuse me?"

Me: " I already tried to ping a website from the command prompt box. The response timed out."

VG: "Ok, you need to go to the start menu, find the  - '

Me: "Didn't you hear me? I just did that. I t doesn't work. My Internet is not working."

VG:  "Ok, let me put you on hold and I will run a line test to see if anything is wrong."

Me: "fine."


It doesn't get any better from there. At this point I have been on the phone for another 2 hours, trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with my service. I'm mad. I'm seething. I believe there may have been smoke coming out of my ears. I do not want to have to hang up and call back.

The guy finally gets back on the line and proceeds to tell me that his line test shows nothing wrong with my Internet connection. So, very slowly, in small words, I tell him that I can't connect to the Internet. Therefore, I do not have an Internet connection so his line test is obviously wrong. I proceed to tell him all about the incident a few weeks before, where I spent hours on the phone having everyone tell me my service was good - only to find out 8 hours later that their line tests were - in a nutshell - wrong. I may have been a little condescending, but at this point I just want someone to get their butts over to a computer and find out what the problem is. After a few minutes of this, he tells me he's going to send me to their "Expert Care Department."

You can imagine my surprise. I have never heard of such a thing, but I figure - what the hey? - I might as well try and see if any Experts really Care.


To Be Continued.......

Tweet