You Know What I Hate?

I used to watch Mad TV. A lot. And on one episode, there was this comedian that would stand up and yell "You know what I hate?" and then follow that with...well, a list of what he hated.

I was making that a regular part of my blog, until I got all peaceful and content and ran out of things to hate.

I'm finding lately that I still hate a lot of stuff, I just had to collect it for a while. So...

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?

1.

People that, before your impending divorce, were friends with both you and your husband. Then, when they find out you're splitting up (or that he beat your ass and made you and the kids live in a women's shelter while he stayed in your nice house and lived off of Burger King...) they claim that they aren't "taking sides", but then they call you and pressure you to "see his point of view". Hmm...wonder whose side they're on? (and nope - this actually isn't about me)

2.

Facebook walls that are just an excuse for everyone to see how great you are. Or how positive you are because your entire life is just kittens and fluffy rainbows when we all know you watch daytime TV while eating doughnuts by the dozen because Bubba left you for his new girl Bertha May and they ran off to Toledo. Or what a great mommy you are because you bake yummy soy health special goody muffins from scratch for your 3 year old who really prefers to lick peanut butter off a spoon. Or how humble you are because you're praying on your knees 47 times a day because you feel a need to seek God so you can be a better you. I have an idea - stop the holier than thou updates and then you'll be a better you by default.

3. 

When you're at an event....say...your kid tries out a Tae Kwon Do class, and he's never done things like that before, so he looks a little awkward while trying his damnedest. And then every time he does a spin kick you hear a giggle from the side of the room. And just when you realize you can't beat rotten snotty children to a pulp just for sheer joy of seeing them learn a lesson - you turn your head and see 2 adult ladies rotten excuses for humanity sitting there giggling behind their hands and looking at your son. The worst part is, as the moment of awareness hits you and you think you can drop kick an adult without looking like a complete asstard - you figure out that you'll end up in jail for protecting your own kid from morons. What a letdown.

4.

People you invite to see your blog, by every means possible, but they never bother to accept the facebook invite, or follow the link you personally emailed to them. And they never stop by or comment or give you a thumbs up. The worst of it is....most of those people are family. Thanks a lot people who claim to care about me.

5.

 I guess I'll just narrow this down and say: People. They bug me all the time, from the lady who thinks she knows how to raise your kids better than you do, to the people who park grocery carts in the middle of the aisle while looking for Pop Tarts, to the moron who zooms past you only to pull in front of you and slow down to 2 miles under your current speed limit. People are idiots. I think I'm going to go live in a cave now.

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Fame...Who Needs It?

When I was a little girl I dreamed of being famous. I didn't know why, I just wanted to be famous. Then, when I was 16, I planned on going to to New York and becoming a Broadway star. Even as an adult I wanted to be famous, I mean who wouldn't? Money, fame, power, perfect abs, more money..... I could use it all. Especially the perfect abs part. I would instantly have them, because that's part of the job requirement. That and perfect hair, but I already have that.

But I digress. Now, at the ripe old age of 34 29 and holding, I have realized that I so don't want to be famous. Not even a little bit. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I need a good excuse for a list and a post.

1. Random Pictures

All the time. Picking your nose. Digging at your ear. Scratching your ass. I'm sure one day we will see pictures of Tom Cruise on the potty. I sure don't need that headache. Not because I'm not gorgeous - because I am - but because I don't want to have to beat up paparazzi because they took a picture of me making this face. If ya know what I mean.

2. Money

Ok, I like money. Just as much as the next guy. I'd love a good vacation, and a nice car or five. I'd also like a california king sized bed and a computer that decides to work on a regular basis. And I'm pretty sure my hubby would like a gold plated bathroom since he spends so much time in there.  But I don't want to be stuck making so much money that I spend half of that money on security systems from Russia and a permanent bodyguard named Knuckles. I just know that Knuckles would eat half my food while scaring my child every time he blinks. And that would cost me more money  - for food and therapy for my kid.

3. Hours

Alright, I know that movie stars make millions making movies. And I would would be pretty good at that. The movies and the making millions. But I don't want to be stuck filming that iceberg scene from 2am to 7pm in my underwear. No thanks. It just ain't worth it.

4. Criticism

I don't like it. I dish it out just fine, but I can't take it. Mostly because I'm just about perfect already. But I don't want to be on a worst dressed list for wearing my outlandish orange camouflage cowboy hat. Or told that the comment I made about pretty rainbows was insensitive and hurt someone's feelings and now I have to go to sensitivity classes to keep my job. I also don't want to be told that I'm exactly 1.5 pounds overweight and my career is ending because I'm too fat to keep a job.

5. My Love Life

Is private. I feel like having some two bit fame hound psychiatrist telling tabloids that divorce is imminent because I didn't put my left hand on my husband's right shoulder during that red carpet event. I'm pretty sure I would be using that hand to ninja pick that wedgie instead.


So there you have it. I don't want to be famous. I don't need the headache. I'll settle for being semi well known instead.

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Nonsense!

I am awake at 8 o'clock in the morning, after sleeping for only 4 hours. I have now become aware that sleep deprivation makes me feel high. I'm giggling and snorting at funny things I find on the internet (including myself...) while sitting here in the dark with a Breathe Right strip on my nose that's pushing my glasses off my face, and my living room is dark - so I'm squinting to see the keyboard because I'm too tired to stand up and turn the lamp on. On the plus side, the squinting helps keep the glasses on my face.

this is what I look like right now

I literally just sat and stared at my screen for 5 minutes because I forgot I was blogging. The sad thing is, I can't remember what I was blogging about. I think I had a point, or a purpose - but it's gotten lost somewhere in the haze that is my overly taxed brain. Either that or I took to long to edit that photo above and now I just plumb forgot why the hell I'm awake at 8 am and blogging. I don't remember.

See what I mean about sleep deprivation making me high? And don't pretend you don't what it's like to be high. Or drunk. Or just plain coo coo. Is coo coo even a word?

Well, it is now. I think I'm going to play something completely worthless on Facebook, fiddle fart around for a while, take a nap, wake up and actually try to compose a real post.

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Random Whines

Oh my gosh. I never blog anymore!!

I wonder what's up. It's not like I don't have anything to say - cause I say a lot.

At least according to my husband. I myself personally think I spend most of my day playing World of Warcraft and washing his underwear, but hey - that's just me.

So what can I blog about.....hmmm....maybe a bunch of random opinions? Sounds good. Ok then -

Chick Fil A. Don't know, don't care. All I know is that I am sooooo sick of seeing everyone whine about it. I'm also sick of seeing everyone protest - on both sides. I am tired of seeing crap on my facebook wall -

Like This:

And This:

I just don't care. Eat Moar Chikin, eat beef instead - whatever. Just shut up about it and find the next big little thing to argue and complain over.

What next. Oh yeah -

I lost about 30 pounds. You heard me. Guess that going to the gym thingy really works. Along with the whole eating right plan. Cookies and chocolate don't help you lose weight. Who knew?

My mouse to my computer doesn't work right. It has a short in it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to play Zombie Lane on facebook with a shorted out mouse?!?!?! GAH. And I'm too broke to buy a new one right now. In fact, my whole computer doesn't work right, it shorts out, my screen goes nutso, then I have to restart it, and then it won't restart. I think the world could come up with a perfect computer, that never went psycho on me, I mean - we're at the point where we are sending crap to Mars to take pictures, and you guys can't come up with computers that don't break down every three days?!?! Speaking of which -

Mars? Really? Who flipping cares?? How about we spend our money taking care of - oh, I don't know - world hunger or some other small insignificant problem here on earth. Where we live. Right now. Earth. Eh, forget it - where's my eleventy billion dollar souvenir picture of outer space - since that's where my tax dollars are going.

Well, I'm out of things to bitch about today. Tune in later for more.

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Runnin' With It

So I miss blogging.

Trouble is, as usual - I get bored, busy, tired, sick *insert random lame excuse here*.

Then there's the whole "I like too many things to stick with one genre of blog." issue. I like - in no particular order - Zombies, My Husband, Video Games, The Gym (most days), my Kid, My Dog, Reading, Writing, Singing, Blogging, Facebook and post Apocalyptic genre anything.

 That's a lot of crap. And that's only half of it.

So that plan is to blog about anything I like, whenever I like. However I like.

Because I can. So that's the idea, and I'm runnin' with it.

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Flabby McGee Is....

Currently enjoying her holidays and all the fattening little goodies that go with it. I shall be consuming copious amounts of both alcohol and chocolate in order to deal with all of my crazy family members. Especially my mother, my mother makes me drink.  I will return in the new year, along with many resolutions that I will never really follow. Have fun my friends, and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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A Little Rant Will Do Ya

Holy Crap. Where does the time go? I swear, I have a little time stealing monster living in my pocket. He likes to come out, take up all my time, package it and mail it to god knows where.

Anyway.

Long few weeks. Still working on the car thing, should be getting that back any day now. It really, really sucks to not have a car. If I were a smart person, I would use this as an opportunity to walk a bit more. You know, be healthy and all that crap.

But I don't. And speaking of health...my mental health is taking another dive. I really prefer to sleep a lot right now. I am so much skinnier in my dreams. Much easier to deal with then having to lose so much freaking fat.

Oh, bullshit.

Fat sucks. Seriously. I wish it was easy to get up, work out, eat less. Why does it have to be so hard? Ugh.

Well, I don't have anything brilliant to write at the moment, so I figured a little rant would do.

Signing off. Goodnight.

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