If you're bored - click here. I do.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

You Know What I Hate?

I used to watch Mad TV. A lot. And on one episode, there was this comedian that would stand up and yell "You know what I hate?" and then follow that with...well, a list of what he hated.

I was making that a regular part of my blog, until I got all peaceful and content and ran out of things to hate.

I'm finding lately that I still hate a lot of stuff, I just had to collect it for a while. So...

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?

1.
People that, before your impending divorce, were friends with both you and your husband. Then, when they find out you're splitting up (or that he beat your ass and made you and the kids live in a women's shelter while he stayed in your nice house and lived off of Burger King...) they claim that they aren't "taking sides", but then they call you and pressure you to "see his point of view". Hmm...wonder whose side they're on? (and nope - this actually isn't about me)

2.
Facebook walls that are just an excuse for everyone to see how great you are. Or how positive you are because your entire life is just kittens and fluffy rainbows when we all know you watch daytime TV while eating doughnuts by the dozen because Bubba left you for his new girl Bertha May and they ran off to Toledo. Or what a great mommy you are because you bake yummy soy health special goody muffins from scratch for your 3 year old who really prefers to lick peanut butter off a spoon. Or how humble you are because you're praying on your knees 47 times a day because you feel a need to seek God so you can be a better you. I have an idea - stop the holier than thou updates and then you'll be a better you by default.


3. 
When you're at an event....say...your kid tries out a Tae Kwon Do class, and he's never done things like that before, so he looks a little awkward while trying his damnedest. And then every time he does a spin kick you hear a giggle from the side of the room. And just when you realize you can't beat rotten snotty children to a pulp just for sheer joy of seeing them learn a lesson - you turn your head and see 2 adult ladies rotten excuses for humanity sitting there giggling behind their hands and looking at your son. The worst part is, as the moment of awareness hits you and you think you can drop kick an adult without looking like a complete asstard - you figure out that you'll end up in jail for protecting your own kid from morons. What a letdown.

4.
People you invite to see your blog, by every means possible, but they never bother to accept the facebook invite, or follow the link you personally emailed to them. And they never stop by or comment or give you a thumbs up. The worst of it is....most of those people are family. Thanks a lot people who claim to care about me.

5.
 I guess I'll just narrow this down and say: People. They bug me all the time, from the lady who thinks she knows how to raise your kids better than you do, to the people who park grocery carts in the middle of the aisle while looking for Pop Tarts, to the moron who zooms past you only to pull in front of you and slow down to 2 miles under your current speed limit. People are idiots. I think I'm going to go live in a cave now.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Nonsense!

I am awake at 8 o'clock in the morning, after sleeping for only 4 hours. I have now become aware that sleep deprivation makes me feel high. I'm giggling and snorting at funny things I find on the internet (including myself...) while sitting here in the dark with a Breathe Right strip on my nose that's pushing my glasses off my face, and my living room is dark - so I'm squinting to see the keyboard because I'm too tired to stand up and turn the lamp on. On the plus side, the squinting helps keep the glasses on my face.

this is what I look like right now

I literally just sat and stared at my screen for 5 minutes because I forgot I was blogging. The sad thing is, I can't remember what I was blogging about. I think I had a point, or a purpose - but it's gotten lost somewhere in the haze that is my overly taxed brain. Either that or I took to long to edit that photo above and now I just plumb forgot why the hell I'm awake at 8 am and blogging. I don't remember.

See what I mean about sleep deprivation making me high? And don't pretend you don't what it's like to be high. Or drunk. Or just plain coo coo. Is coo coo even a word?

Well, it is now. I think I'm going to play something completely worthless on Facebook, fiddle fart around for a while, take a nap, wake up and actually try to compose a real post.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Random Whines

Oh my gosh. I never blog anymore!!

I wonder what's up. It's not like I don't have anything to say - cause I say a lot.

At least according to my husband. I myself personally think I spend most of my day playing World of Warcraft and washing his underwear, but hey - that's just me.

So what can I blog about.....hmmm....maybe a bunch of random opinions? Sounds good. Ok then -

Chick Fil A. Don't know, don't care. All I know is that I am sooooo sick of seeing everyone whine about it. I'm also sick of seeing everyone protest - on both sides. I am tired of seeing crap on my facebook wall -

Like This:


And This:

I just don't care. Eat Moar Chikin, eat beef instead - whatever. Just shut up about it and find the next big little thing to argue and complain over.

What next. Oh yeah -

I lost about 30 pounds. You heard me. Guess that going to the gym thingy really works. Along with the whole eating right plan. Cookies and chocolate don't help you lose weight. Who knew?

My mouse to my computer doesn't work right. It has a short in it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to play Zombie Lane on facebook with a shorted out mouse?!?!?! GAH. And I'm too broke to buy a new one right now. In fact, my whole computer doesn't work right, it shorts out, my screen goes nutso, then I have to restart it, and then it won't restart. I think the world could come up with a perfect computer, that never went psycho on me, I mean - we're at the point where we are sending crap to Mars to take pictures, and you guys can't come up with computers that don't break down every three days?!?! Speaking of which -

Mars? Really? Who flipping cares?? How about we spend our money taking care of - oh, I don't know - world hunger or some other small insignificant problem here on earth. Where we live. Right now. Earth. Eh, forget it - where's my eleventy billion dollar souvenir picture of outer space - since that's where my tax dollars are going.


Well, I'm out of things to bitch about today. Tune in later for more.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Runnin' With It

So I miss blogging.

Trouble is, as usual - I get bored, busy, tired, sick *insert random lame excuse here*.

Then there's the whole "I like too many things to stick with one genre of blog." issue. I like - in no particular order - Zombies, My Husband, Video Games, The Gym (most days), my Kid, My Dog, Reading, Writing, Singing, Blogging, Facebook and post Apocalyptic genre anything.

 That's a lot of crap. And that's only half of it.

So that plan is to blog about anything I like, whenever I like. However I like.

Because I can. So that's the idea, and I'm runnin' with it.