If you're bored - click here. I do.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ode To My Spanx

Oh, my Spanx. This love of mine, 
That keeps my belly flap in line. 
A marvel of science, so true, so fair, 
You have replaced my underwear.

In you my gut I cinch and stuff, 
with you I can feel thin enough.
I have 3 pairs, black, tan, and white,
that help me feel small and tight.

You give me wedgies, yes, it's true, 
and pinch my flab and stomach too.
My camel toe, on you I blame, 
I have to dig you out, with shame.

My inner organs you rearrange, 
and people seem to find it strange, 
when I unroll and pull you up, 
and tuck you under my large bra cup.

I'll take a shower and put you on, 
though the struggle always goes so long.
Since if I put you on while I am wet,
I end up tired and out of breath.

Come to think of it, I see, 
you really aren't that good for me.
So I'll say so long to you right here, 
and go back to my underwear.


  1. Oh my goodness gracious. Too damn funny! I have one pair of spanx, but they have died of boredom at the bottom of my underwear pile. Great poem! Go to my blog http://results-not-typical-girl.com and do a search for Easter and you can see my own attempt at channeling my amateur poetic voice, ha!

    Amen sistah! Thanks for the giggles! :) - Kirsten

  2. bauwahahahaha! camel toe. Ya, underwear rock.

  3. But...the...split crotch!

    It is so worth it! Especially when wearing a gown.

    Have you ever worn the kind that make you take them down to go pee? I swear, the stall shrinks the moment my body expands out of them. Like those biscuits in a can. Ka-BOOM.


Be nice. Or I will find you and sic my pet zombie on you.