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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Welcome, Brunhilda

So, by now everyone's pretty much figured out that I had a bad day yesterday.

Flabby McGee's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Except that the end of it turned out quite well. I ate great yesterday, Turkey sandwiches, yogurt, strawberries, cucumbers...Yum. I'm getting hungry thinking about it. Anyway - I was proud of myself for getting back on track there.
Then my gym buddy told me she couldn't go to the gym. (she has 5 children- 'nuff said.) I was disappointed, and started getting depressed.

Then I told myself to knock it the heck off. So I got up, and went to the gym.

All by myself.

So, I'm proud of me. I am petrified of gyms, and I'm scared of what others might say. It's hard enough for me to get to the gym with my best friend, much less alone. But I realized yesterday that I need to be there, probably more so than anyone else. I realized that that makes me stronger than most - to admit what I need to fix, and fix it. I also realized that no one knows who I am or why I'm there.

For all they know -

I could be Brunhilda, the heavyweight division wrestling champion of Germany.


I could be making $100 an hour testing gyms to see if they're good enough for fat people.

I could be undergoing a sex change operation and bulking up for the future.


I could be a detective staking out a drug running ring at my local gym.

I could be a famous actor in a fat suit trying to do research for my latest film.

I could be a Biggest Loser candidate, getting ready to work out 8 hours a day.

I realized that they don't know me, they don't know who I am, and they especially don't know what I've achieved.

They see a fat girl on a treadmill,

I see a girl who's lost 13 pounds.
I see a girl who couldn't walk up the stairs, but now can go 2 miles on an elliptical.
I see a girl who's conquered her eating problems.
I see a girl who is brutally honest with herself.
I see a girl who is strong - inside and out.

I felt awesome. So, I guess it wasn't a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day after all.

20 comments:

  1. Yeah!!! You GO!!

    LURVE the literary reference...that was my Teen Son#2's favorite book when he was little...and he had a whole lot of those THNGVBD's when he was younger!

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  2. 1 little nitpicky thing- you don't have to be on the road to genital reassignment surgery in order to transition physically.

    I know you probably didn't mean anything by it, but still...


    Just saying.

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  3. HAHA!!!

    Brilliant post!!!

    Forget Anon they obviously didn't get the joke.

    But I too was feeling the same way when I 1st started the gym. What will they think?? The stares.

    But in the end I needed it for me and not them. Now I always go by myself, put my tunes on and do my thing.

    I walk out head held high and dripping in sweat....great feeling.

    *high five*
    you did awesome!!!

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  4. Good for you! It is too easy to focus on the negative, but there is so much positive here.

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  5. I LOVE this post! Good for you kicking your own butt and getting to the gym........and for only seeing a strong, determined woman! LOVE the pics by the way! lol

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  6. Whooo hooo! awesome attitude! Ain't no shame in going to the gym alone - I love this post!

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  7. Way to go! I love the personal pep talk. I'm going to remember that. I find myself frowning a lot at the gym, trying to look tough. I doubt anyone is convinced. Looking sweaty is intimidating enough, right? You go, girl!

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  8. You are awesome. Yes. You are.

    Way to be on the gym. You ARE brave. Keep it up girl. You go!

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  9. I LOVED reading this post. You go girl! I totally know how you feel about going to the gym... my mind has been there. And 2 miles on the elliptical is super awesome!!!!! I just barely got 5 minutes in last night before I was wasted. Good for you!
    ~Margene
    http://believingitspossible.blogspot.com/

    (Note - I paste my blog address not to advertise but because it's not linked to my profile and some people have had a hard time finding it)

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  10. Oh,man, that's funny, "Brunhilds"!!

    I'm so glad you went. By yourself. I've always gone to gyms(when I went) and the Pilates studio by myself. I never had an exercise buddy. Wish I did. Wish hubby'd go. But I need to go, alone or with someone. Hurray to you!

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  11. One word, HILARIOUS!1 I laaughed and laughed, so did the hubby. Absolutely amazing love it love it! And good job on your milestone, going by yourself!

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  12. I see a girl that gets knocked down...then picks herself back up and gets back on track...:D

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  13. Anyone else now have that "Tubthumping" song stuck in their head?
    You know the one ...
    "I get knocked down - but I get up again - you're never gonna keep me down"
    NOW do you have it stuck in your head? ;)

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  14. Ok, thaaaaaanks a lot....
    I get knocked down....but I get up again...*hums*

    But I loved that comment :) Cuz that's exactly what I see!!!

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  15. And that, my dear, is what they call a Non Scale Victory (NSV)! That knowledge of yourself is key. Well done!

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  16. Loved this post!!! So funny. Yeah I used to worry about what people think at the gym. The other day, I was working out with my trainer. Finally she said, "Joy, you think you should fix your hair?" I look in the mirror and it was standing on end. Looked like I got shocked. I said, "No, I don't care what they think". She just laughed at me. Well I was a sweaty mess anyway, I did not really see the point of fixing my hair. Enough said!! You go, do what you have to do!! Hugs!!!

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  17. You're exactly 100% right.

    And another thing I noticed?

    Most people don't care who or what you are in the gym...unless you forgot your deodorant that day.

    Then they care. Trust me.

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  18. Dont mess with Brunhilda!! love it...am soooo getting my own gym alter ego to help me get through the gym door. Tar very much :)

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  19. Way to go, girl!! I loved it :) Humor and great writing seem to be a family trait. Thank you for the great laugh =)

    Keep celebrating your successes.........and the winning attitude!

    "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see" ----Henry David Thoreau

    You're seeing what counts - and eventually that will show on the outside for others to see, too.

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  20. Popping in from Healthy You. How awesome that you made it to the gym... ALONE! Great for you... the work is never not worth it!

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Be nice. Or I will find you and sic my pet zombie on you.